That Which Goes Bump in the Night

So what exactly goes bump in the night?  Me.  I go bump in the night, stubbing my toe right into the clothes hamper or the dresser or the edge of the door.  Some nights it’s all three.  Once it was all three on the same trip.  Last night I bumped into another mystery object that disappeared by morning.  

Unfortunately, my bumping isn't limited to the dark of night.  Truth is I’m generally in a hurry and tend not to watch where I’m going.  (However, I do suspect the mystery objects are actually placing themselves in my way).  If you suffer, like I do, from bumping against things here, there and everywhere, you’ll be rewarded with the occasional bruise.

My usual routine is bump, wince, swear furiously, look around to see if anyone saw/heard me, rub the assaulted appendage, and check for a bruise.  Then it’s time to break out the ice.  Ice works well to speed the healing of a bruise.  All you need to do is wrap an ice pack in a towel and apply to the bruise for 10 minutes.  Repeat this a few times a day.  

A second option is witch hazel.  Witch hazel has great natural anti-inflammatory, vulnerary and astringent properties and will quickly fade the bruise color. 

Bruise Reducer Recipe

  • All natural witch hazel (avoid the one with isopropyl alcohol)
  • Cotton ball


  • Soak a cotton ball with the witch hazel
  • Apply to the bruise and let it sit for about 5 minutes
  • Repeat twice a day.  You’ll see the bruise fade in no time.

Dylan Thomas’ poem advises us, “Do not go gentle into that good night.”  I’m guessing he wore steel-toed boots to bed.  My night-time advice to you is, “Stock up on witch hazel and always shuffle your feet real slow.”

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